Friday, January 16, 2009

Key to the City

The Captain of the US Airways flight that crashed into the Hudson River yesterday, Chesley B. Sullenberger III, has been given the key to the city by Mayor Bloomberg. From what I've read, Captain Sullenberger is very deserving of honor. But it begs the question: What is a key to the city?

According to our good friend Wikipedia, the "Key to the City," is an American version of the "Freedom of the City," which has its roots in the Roman Republic. Roman legions were not allowed to enter the city gates in formation or with weapons without permission for fear of military coups. The "Freedom of the City," military edition, was an honor that allowed legions to come into the city.

The more common form is the civilian form, which boils down to freedom from serfdom. Basically, through this honor, you were elevated to the level of human-being.

"The key to the city is a similar award that is descended from freedom of the city. It is used in several countries, but is especially popular in the United States."

But what is it?

According to Wikipedia, the key to the city is, "An ornamental key is presented to esteemed visitors, residents, or others the city wishes to honor. Evoking medieval walled cities whose gates were guarded during the day and locked at night, the key opens every door in city limits."

We could talk about who deserves a key to the city and all those questions of honor, but I'm more interested the key to the city being able to open every door. If this is true, it is horrifying. Imagine the people who could walk into any building....

If you are cursed to live in Flint Michigan, you might come home from being laid-off from your 10th job in 2 years to find American Idol finalist LaKisha Jones lounging in your house. If that doesn't sound bad, watch this video.



And all you wanted to do was come home, drink a sixer of High Life and fill out your unemployment papers.


In 2004, Atlanta gave Ludacris the key to the city, not for having hoes in different area codes—they wanted him to stay local—but for his contributions to scholarship funds. When he steps into the room, it's "shirts off and panties dropping." This may or not be appealing to you, depending on whether you want Ludacris sleeping with your wife.

And before Captain Sullenberger recieved the Key to New York, every member of the 2007-2008 New York Giants did, as well. Which means Plexico Bures has a key. And as he sits on your couch, his gun, which he still carries in his pocket, goes off and hits you in the leg.

But Detroit, as it does with all things bad, takes the cake. In 1980, the mayor of Detroit gave the key to the city to Saddam Hussein for contributions to a local church.

But then again, if you were living in Detroit in the 80s and 90s, you had bigger problems then Saddam Hussein walking into your locked house.



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